Cell Phone Stupidity

Those of you who know me well, know my feelings about cell phones. I hate them. I think they were invented by Dr. Evil. The REAL Dr. Evil, not Mike Myers' baby finger sucking, coyly bald Dr. Evil. I owned a cell phone, once. I owned it for a year. Or should I say, it owned me. I didn't have a land line where I was living and my work needed to reach me so I was required to get a cell phone. *sigh* It was the worse year of my life, communicatively speaking. Don't get me wrong. I love talking on the phone. I can (and do) spend hours talking on the phone. It is right up there with shopping for shoes and dinner with the Goddesses.

Still, the cell phone was always THERE. Always ON. I had to take it with me EVERYWHERE. When I didn't, people would call me and give me shit for not answering the phone WHEN THEY CALLED. They hated leaving a message because it gave me the control as to when I called them back, not the other way around. And I was constantly feeding cards into the damn thing. Then I would get these text messages in Spanish, which I could never understand. And if I ever had to recall a message, I had to go through the menu in Spanish. I didn't know what the hell she was saying but I got to know which numbers to press to bypass her. I hated that bitch! LOL

Recently, I've witnessed some pretty stupid cell phone behaviour. For example, at work (I work in law office), we all have phones on our desk. Mine is a regular office phone with my number, my boss' number, a hold button, flashing lights, etc. I use it to make calls to other people and people can call me on it. What an invention! Anyway, I work with people who own cell phones which, by the way, are not allowed in the office. Regardless of this rule (and numerous other rules which have apparently been made for the sole purpose of being broken), cell phones ring in my office all the time. And they don't ring ring. They play stupid little songs. Or buzz. Or beep. Every time a different one goes off, I think it is the fire alarm.

A couple of weeks ago, the Goddesses and I met for dinner at a local steakhouse in the Village, recently renovated. OK, it was The Keg Mansion on Jarvis. We had drinks in the bar at 7PM and were showed to our table around 8PM. About an hour later, a young family came into the restaurant. Mother, father and a young daughter who was approximately 7 years old. They were a beautiful family and seemed relatively normal until the cell phones were placed on the table. Then all semblance of the "happy family" disappeared. First the wife's cell phone rang and she answered it. The caller must have asked, "What are you doing?" because her response was "Not much. What's new with you?" NOT MUCH??? She's out for dinner with HER FAMILY and she takes a personal call. Since when do cell phones replace human beings? GRRR!!! She hung up and then the husband's cell phone rang. Same scenario. It was pathetic. I wonder if they call each other from opposite sides of the bed to say goodnight.

I've also seen this happen in the dog park. Picture this scene. It's a beautiful, warm, sunny morning. You are going crazy, waiting for your master to take you for your "morning constitution". It is the highlight of your day! Your owner grabs his keys, your ball, affixes your leash and heads out the door. But he can't forget the cell phone! Just in case someone needs to call him at 8AM and ask him for his opinion about the state of the economy. So there you are, in the park, your most favourite place in the whole world, with the person you love the most. And he's got the ball, which you're dying to chase and slobber all over. Trouble is, Master Dearest is too busy on his cell phone to pay much attention to you and your needs. So you bark and jump up and down, trying to get his attention for just two seconds. Just long enough for him to throw the ball. It's a very sad thing to see. Even sadder when you substitute a SMALL CHILD for the dog. I've seen it. Disgusting behaviour by people who are more attached to a small electronic device than to their own family, friends or other human beings.

I used to date a really nice guy, and his cell phone. We fought about it constantly. I wanted it off. He wanted it on. I won. The woman always wins in arguments like this. We have the ultimate trump card. Hehe! I recently talked to a guy from a dating website who had a similar experience but with a business associate. These two bachelors met through business and decided to hit a patio and do some serious girl-watching. Bachelor #1 (my friend) was looking forward to enjoying a drink and some good old-fashioned "guy talk". Bachelor #2 took a call on his cell phone five minutes after they sat down and proceeded to talk for longer than 20 minutes to someone not even there. Bachelor #1 was pissed but did nothing. I couldn't sit for longer than TWO minutes without saying something! I don't know where he found the restraint.

So many people in Canada have cell phones now that they are starting to take out the phone booths. This really ticks me off because I don't have a cell phone. I don't want a cell phone. I have no intention of EVER BUYING A CELL PHONE. I somehow need to communicate this need to the phone company. I figure I'll have to make a trip out to the airport to call them. *sigh* I have to stop now before I really get worked up. I need to go to bed and I won't be able to sleep if I carry on with this rant much longer.