Another Sunday Afternoon Blog

I just got back from a long walk and noticed a couple of things. Why do electronically-challenged people own gadgets? I walked past a yellow school bus, parked on a busy downtown street. A woman was knocking on the door of the empty bus, trying to get the driver's attention. When he opened the door, she said "The play is over and we tried to call you but you don't have your cell phone turned on!" Don't you think that if you were a hired bus driver and you had a cell phone, you might actually turn the damn thing on so your client can reach you??? BTW, the same stupid bus driver drove the bus around the corner and parked right in front of the theatre, in the right hand lane, blocking all traffic behind him. Probably explains why he is driving a bus for a living ...

Another incident occurred five minutes after this. As I made my way past the illegally parked bus and started walking through the park, a car alarm went off. The owner of the vehicle was trying to turn it off, from over thirty feet away, by holding the alarm fob up over his head and pointing it towards the car. Then he ran towards the car, unlocked it and stood around talking to his passengers, no doubt asking them, "Does anyone know how to turn off a car alarm?". Finally, he sat down in the driver's seat and turned off the annoying noise. This is obviously someone who would be better off taking a bus to the theatre.

I divulged in my last blog the fact that I have been involved in the illicit practice of online dating. I find it quite entertaining and, in the past, have met some interesting guys. One of the websites has forums -- you know, places where people ask questions about dating etiquette: do women really like bald men, do men like bigger sized women or "Where do guys go to meet older women?? (over 45)". Here are some of the wiseass answers made by older men. "Mandrake" (who, at age 48, looks older than my DAD!) said, "Try the funeral parlor or the cemetary!! Or you could try the Bingo Halls, the library, or the optometrist!". Then there was this gem by Ron (age 59) "My theory is all the 45+ gals are home and eating bon bons and reading romance novels and making sure their B.O.Bs are in the recharger." (FYI: B.O.B. = Battery Operated Boyfriends). This last one from "zeppelin" (age 55) was enlightening: "How about a retirement home(just kidding)."

Can you believe these guys? No wonder they're single ... grrr!!! They act like a woman over 45 just sitting around, waiting to die!!! So I added my advice on the subject and suggested we might be found "At the theatre, attending yoga class, dining in upscale restaurants, taking a language course, shopping downtown, lunching in bistros, going to the spa, visiting museums, working out at the gym, laughing in martini bars, doing charity work, sunning at vacation resorts, etc. etc. etc. We'll be there, looking fabulous and hanging out with our equally attractive and unattached girlfriends, looking for you!"

And then another WOMAN (ie. someone of the same sex as the Goddesses but apparently not as evolved) wrote, "I think your best bet is a restaurant...look for women together with no man". Can you imagine a single guy, walking up to a table full of women (no doubt talking about men and/or sex) and interrupting them? He would have to be (1) crazy (2) drunk (3) Superman (ie. balls of steel). We would eat him ALIVE!!! So I asked one of my "admirers" what he would do. He said he would send over flowers (he is in the wholesale flower business). "Not bad" I thought but suggested buying a round of drinks or sending CHOCOLATE might be better.

Men have no clue. They totally underestimate the power of CHOCOLATE. We would do just about anything for CHOCOLATE. The fact that I am typing CHOCOLATE in upper case letters should give some idea of its importance to us. However, during dinner last night, we decided that white chocolate does not carry the same weight as milk or dark CHOCOLATE. It is just not as effective and doesn't even smell the same. Something is lost when you take away the rich, "brown-ness" of real CHOCOLATE.

I used to date an Air Canada pilot and he used to bring me CHOCOLATE from all over the world. The only problem is he used to hold it over his head and expect me to jump all over him like an excited puppy. There are some things even a Goddess won't do for CHOCOLATE. Unfortunately, he also had an uncanny likeness to Mr. Bean so I dumped him and my Mom is still not over it.